Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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