Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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