I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
