Sry I called you an 8
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
