Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
3pm strippers are depressing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
