Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
