Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
