I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
