Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
