Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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