I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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