Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
