he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize