you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
pray to the hookup gods
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
