I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
