sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
