I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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