You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
