dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
