He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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