We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
