you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
