hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
