Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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