This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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