shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
