a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
