if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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