he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
