I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
