Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
