my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize