i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
