we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
