You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They took my balls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
