You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
