Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
