Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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