3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
