come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
