During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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