porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
