As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
