I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
