I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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