I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
