I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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