just tell him i said nine months
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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