I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
