so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize