so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
