dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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