i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize