if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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