Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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