i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
