her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
