Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
