Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
