Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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