youre lurking in front of me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
