3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
