@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
