...so i touched it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
