apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
