Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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