Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
