I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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