Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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