I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize