I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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