and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
