I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
