Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
