There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
