Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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