im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
