I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
