dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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